Rare post on LJ. Which usually means something bad happened if I can't post my own thoughts on Tumblr.

Sometimes I wish I belonged to one of those huge girl cliques again where they take care of one another and go through thick and thin with each other. Having to rely on one or two people in an entire school is tiring and nerve wreaking, because what if your friendship dissolves? Who are you left with? These days I find myself not understanding you more and more. I would like to say that you're different now, but no one would agree with me, for the change is so nuanced that even I can't explain it myself and sometimes lapse into thinking that it's just me. 

I miss the times when I was still with my ex. It seemed then that problems (friendship or otherwise) were so much easier to cope with because there's always someone who you know is willing to help. Of course, not everyone is blessed to be in a relationship with no fights whatsoever. And in any case, it's all over now, and prospects of me falling in love again are zero to none.

I want normalcy, you know? No "threat to your existence", no existentialist problems or identity crisis. I guess I sound like I'm saying that I want shallow friendships. I don't know. I just don't want to worry about my own worth when I'm with my friends.

everything's so juvenile

 It's been more than a month since I've been to this space. In 55 days I've had two heartbreaks. That's quite amazing isn't it? Things are getting better, but that's because you can only go up once you've hit the bottom. I really wished something could have worked out in both situations (I still do), but maybe this is how I'm supposed to live.